Ella Gale
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CHERNSVILLE, Calif. — Artificial intelligence researchers at the Chernsville Institute of Technology (ChIT) announced that they are closer than ever…
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Taylor Ysteboe
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AUSTIN, Texas — Bassist Philip McKinney finally worked up the nerve last night to ask about his relationship status with…
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Aries (March 21 - April 19) Some astrologists say Aries are confrontational, but we say that’s fucking bullshit. Someone needs…
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Andy Holt
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Cracker. Honky. Whitey. Redneck. These are among the many terms that aren't racist because it's impossible to be racist to…
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M.J. Amory
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HEAVEN — Succumbing to public outcry after the shocking discovery of an Old Testament written by Himself, God, the Father…
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SAN JOSE, Calif. — Roommates at punk/party house the Snake Pit are reportedly growing alarmed by the complete lack of…
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Let’s get one thing straight- my rifle collection could defend a small country. I could wipe out my entire town’s…
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Courtney Baka
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OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local woman Maria Phillips narrowly escaped embarrassment yesterday when she convinced visitors that the sex toy she…
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Andy Holt
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CHARLESTON, S.C. — Several of local DC Extended Universe fan Shane Thorne’s roomates have confirmed that he has been practicing…
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Lucas Passarella
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TORONTO — Hardcore veterans Conceited Eyes confronted their long-time merch guy Tony Lankins yesterday after finding his name listed in…
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