WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos became the first woman to irreparably damage the infrastructure at Woodrow Wilson High School earlier today, shattering…
WASHINGTON — Scientists have confirmed that the current nationwide dumpster fire is adversely affecting the national crust punk population, according to a new study conducted…
BELLEVUE, Wash. — Video game developer Rare have announced a new project in partnership with the White House to build a immeasurably high invisible wall…
WASHINGTON — Republicans are drafting a new Obamacare replacement bill that includes a clause removing children from their parents’ Netflix account after the age of…
NEW YORK —Local punk Jeremy Spencer has spent the last 20 years putting Hitler mustaches on pictures of US presidents. But today, for the first…
NEW YORK — President Trump promised this morning to bring five of the “best and loudest” dog whistle factories back to American soil, during a confrontational…
ROCKVILLE, Md. — Bethesda Softworks, makers of the alternate reality Nazi-fighting game series Wolfenstein, has apologized for a recent augmented reality game tie-in. “Holy shit,…
WASHINGTON — California Rep. Adam Schiff announced earlier today via livestream from the Democratic Party Twitter account that his party now has nearly enough tweets…
LOS ANGELES — Controversial KISS frontman Gene Simmons announced earlier today that, effective immediately, transgender people will be banned from serving in the KISS Army.…
WASHINGTON — Newly hired White House Communications Director Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci was fired by President Trump today, after only ten days on the job,…
ANYTOWN, U.S. — Johnny Johnson, local paperboy, has been hospitalized after being severely beaten by local resident Grady Hollis for delivering “fake news” to Hollis’…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump grimly said to GOP lawmakers “Remember, no Russian,” moments before the elevator doors opened to the Senate floor for the…
WASHINGTON — U.S. District Court Judge Thomas Durkin “came out of nowhere” and denied President Trump’s easy lay-up during a shoot-around on the White House…
PYONGYANG, North Korea – North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un vowed to decimate the city of Los Angeles with his distinctive style of bass guitar, in…
NEW YORK — Longtime political activist Lorenzo Marquez attempted to kick off a new protest chant at a march last weekend, but struggled to find…