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I’m Literally a Snowflake and I Consider Myself More of a Social Conservative

Hello, I’m Glen and I’d like to tell you a few important things about myself. I believe in an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay. I believe every baby has the right to be born. I support our troops, our president, and our flag. I’m a proud American, christian, and am literally a crystallized drop of water on top of a mountain in Alaska.

Not what you expected from someone who looks like me? Deal with it.

When you’re crystallized in a cumulonimbus cloud at 40,000 feet you see things from a unique perspective — one the left wing elites in Washington and keyboard activists just don’t understand. Folks around here would never dream of taking any sort of government handout like food stamps or rent vouchers. I guess we just have a little too much pride, and are also inanimate objects who require neither sustenance nor shelter.

I’d also like to address these multimillion dollar NFL “protesters” who think they’re too good to stand for our national anthem. Call me a patriot but when I hear The Star Spangled Banner, I spring to my feet, place my hand on my chest, and think about all the good men and women who died protecting my freedom… or I would if had the body parts required to do any of that.

That’s what being a real snowflake is all about.

Related: If I’m Such a Racist Then Why Do I Have So Many Prepared Responses to Deny It?

Bottom line, I know it’s hard for anyone else to understand this, but it’s incredibly frustrating to see yourself and your culture constantly being unfairly stereotyped in online discussions. For the record I’m a conservative and always have been. I’m pro-life, anti gun control, and believe we need to bring prayer back to public schools. That’s what being a snowflake means to me

Although I will admit I’m somewhat concerned about this whole global warming thing.