SPRINGFIELD, Va. — Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is still the single most effective…
Have you ever witnessed a stranger struggling and ignored them because it wasn’t your business? Whether it’s because of selfishness or just being self-conscious, it’s…
BOSTON — Mark Wahlberg sparked controversy after claiming that Elon Musk’s botched penis implant “wouldn’t have gone down like that” if he was the attending…
Like any aspiring anarchist, I want to do what I can to burn this entire rotten system to the ground and bring in a new…
MODESTO, Calif. — A local arsonist who torched a brand new Cybertruck as it sat on the lot of a nearby Tesla dealership claims his…
ARLINGTON, Texas — Vice President JD Vance was spotted sign twirling outside of a Tesla dealership today, attempting to convince onlookers to pull in for…
WASHINGTON — Local sex worker Jasmine Lawler is facing years behind bars after being labeled a domestic terrorist because she burst out in hysterical laughter…
WASHINGTON — Elon Musk’s team at the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) launched a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for the savings they claim to…
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Social pariah and world’s richest man Elon Musk made a staggering donation to a new startup with a mission statement of…
WASHINGTON — Elon Musk’s double Nazi salute during today’s inauguration parade led to a tidal wave of approval amongst the nation’s potential school shooters, online…
Oh man, have you seen my Cybertruck? It’s so fucking sick, dude. Just look at it. It’s like something straight out of a 1980s dystopian…
Let’s all take a moment to play the world’s smallest violin for first-gen Tesla owners. On the one hand they were able to afford a…
RICHMOND, Va. — Trey Bollinger, proud owner of a $91,273 Chevy Silverado 3500 HD, accused Tesla Cybertruck owners of being “totally fucking ridiculous,” confirmed sources…
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Local businessman and investor Elon Musk presented his clear vision of the future where humanity thought of him as the worst…
A lot of the Transformers we know and love have changed over the years. Some of those changes make sense, like cosmetic updates to their…