WASHINGTON — The new national suicide hotline, 988, is facing harsh criticism after callers noticed the platform used songs from massively depressing singer/songwriter Elliott Smith…
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in expensive preventative care by simply…
NEW YORK — Local depressive Naomi Roman was teetering on the brink of mental collapse Thursday morning until her suicidal thoughts were deterred after she…
SEATTLE — Method actor Chrstian Bale is preparing to star in a biopic based on famed Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s life by learning to sing…
For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and…
MUNCIE, Ind. — Sgt. William Porter, an active member of the Ku Klux Klan, was killed last night following a violent exchange with state police…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Known procrastinator Dave Lowary has started smoking cigarettes in an apparent attempt to end his life, concerned friends and relatives confirmed. “I’ve…
BISBEE, Ariz. — An “emergency” episode of the conspiracy theory-themed podcast Overacity Radio speculated about a direct correlation between the mysterious death of alleged pedophiliac…
This year marked the 25th anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s heartbreaking suicide. I can vividly recall everything about the moment the tragic news came over the…
Pere Noel. Kris Kringle. The Winter Easter Bunny. For centuries, children have lined up to meet Santa Claus and ask him to fulfill their every…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local man Evan Carr stumbled upon Train tracks recently during a deep depression, narrowly escaping certain death, helpless but relieved family members…
TEMECULA, Calif. — Indie singer-songwriter Marcy Morrison’s entire fanbase died last night in a ritualistic mass suicide, taking place during a performance of her most…