NORTH HALEDON, N.J — Local mother and intolerable gift-giver Lisa Whitaker was physically unable to restrain herself from sharing which Christmas gifts she got on…
TAMPA, Fla. — Norwegian black metal band Emyn Arnen were seen wandering into a JCPenney store after spotting a prominent Black Friday sign in the…
LOS ANGELES — Fans of the Misfits were thrilled yesterday as the original lineup of the highly influential punk band reunited to verbally harass a…
BOSTON — Local 39-year-old Tool fan Mark Gibson spent his entire shift last Wednesday angry at the fact that a genius of his magnitude was…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Newly vaccinated woman Denise Adame took advantage of her inoculated status late yesterday afternoon to step outside and take in the fresh,…
NEW YORK — Members of glam rock group KISS were spotted using a stockpile of Sephora points at a local store late yesterday morning to…
CHICAGO — Local woman Bethany Cordova has already spent her non-existent, second potential $1200 government stimulus check after hearing that more economic relief money may…
Dude! I was at the mall getting a new pair of JNCOs and some sick fingerless gloves from Hot Topic, and I saw those dorky…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local punk Philip Allers took advantage of this week’s Black Friday chaos, completing all of his holiday shoplifting at a nearby Target…
Healthcare fans — we KNOW you’re still out there — this one’s for you! Aetna just announced that for Black Friday weekend, customers can get…
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Local guitarist Joel Svensson admitted yesterday that he bought the recently released JHS OrcGrinder pedal primarily based on its cool name and…
So, you are buying some used vinyl at your local record shop and the clerk asks if you want to inspect them before you pay.…
UTICA, N.Y. — A local hipster was terrorizing shoppers leaving an area Trader Joe’s grocery store yesterday, asking if they’ve ever heard of legendary Upstate…
NEW YORK — A joint study released today by researchers at Consumer Reports and The Goth Advocate pinpointed an alarming trend of aging mall goths…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local woman and online shopper Darla Castro is reconsidering her lack of children after a search for her favorite band’s shirt yielded only…