It’s a normal problem: your friend brought you to this exclusive sex party, but you want to listen to Sufjan Stevens. Suddenly, you’re in a…
There is an energy coming from the kitchen counter. I’m not hungry, instead feeling the familiar light giddiness and slow rise of my roommate’s special…
SAN DIEGO — Local man Andrew Hannigan was disappointed after joining a cult he incorrectly assumed was centered around depraved sexual activity, sources confirm. “Well,…
So you’re seeing someone new, and it’s been going great! Except for one thing: your chemistry isn’t as strong as it was during the honeymoon…
WASHINGTON — A crowd of onlookers gathered at the entrance of a Safeway supermarket in Columbia Heights in tingling anticipation of a lone shopping cart…
DULUTH, Minn. — Local prog metal shredders Bride Of Pythagoras made an announcement this week that every member of the band would be taking a…
WALLINGFORD, Conn. — A blossoming romance wilted last night after Ty Baldwin, lead singer of local punk outfit Gashmaggot, called his new girlfriend by his…
Humanity has always feared the unknown, and in our hubris, we like to think that every creature on earth has already been discovered. Why then…
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — Popular chip band Pringles announced a new ad campaign that will be built around the slogan, “It’s Okay to Fuck the…
Since 1891, the world has enjoyed Nabisco’s greatest and most fuckable creation, the Fig Newton cookie. Although we all have great memories of having a…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Spouses Josh and Natasha Taylor are reportedly in a losing battle for control of their sex swing — a purchase made to…
Has the passion drained from your bedroom? If so, you’ll want to spice things up with a mix of tried-and-true and adventurous sex positions. So…
We get it. You love Weezer almost as much as you love fucking. Trying to combine the best of both worlds in a steamy playlist?…
You’re back at your date’s place and if the natural order of things follows, a Baltimore Handshake lies wait in his immediate future. You should’ve…
IRVINE, Calif. — Local woman Jasmine Dreskel put a stop to her boyfriend’s sexual advances after noticing his custom lovemaking playlist curiously contained several Weird…