CANASTOTA, N.Y — A rough-looking carnival worker sporting a Pantera shirt responsible for running a Ferris wheel made it certain he could give you and…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local parents Jean and Tom Decker finally decided it’s acceptable to let their middle-aged son watch that new Beavis and Butthead movie,…
KENOSHA, Wis. — The long-hunted serial murderer known only as The Kenosha Cannibal was pleasantly surprised he could still slip into the first suit he’d…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local punk and administrative assistant Ross Taylor celebrated fifteen years at a job that he claims he only really keeps because of…
Person Who Has Never Seen “Star Wars” Not Saying That Because They Want You to Show Them “Star Wars”
CARSON CITY, Nev. — Local graphic designer Sam Davis regretted ever mentioning that he’s never seen “Star Wars” after being inundated with offers by everyone…
BALTIMORE — Ferocious garage punk rockers Cigarettes Saved My Life challenged expectations by including a six-minute ballad at the end of their most recent album,…
PHILO, Ohio — Local 8th grader and “true” punk Tim Krenalka reportedly knows his geography pretty well, but refuses to participate in any lesson which…
DENVER — Local straight edge woman Charlotte Watson made another addition to her expanding collection of Dasani water bottles that line the top of her…
WASHINGTON — Outraged Republicans are spending millions in taxpayer money to send every child turned gay by Disney’s “Lightyear” a copy of 1986’s “Top Gun,”…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we’re taking a look at “Wild In The…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Local heterosexual Christine Gonzales was stumped midway through creating an online dating profile after the app asked her if she was interested…
Goodwill can be a goldmine of hidden fashion gems available to anyone on the cheap. You just need to be ok with the fact that…
HYANNIS, Mass. — Self-identifying liberals across the country are choosing to fight back against the draconian Supreme Court decision restricting abortion rights by promising to…