Yo dawg, what’s the 411 with the shorties these days? I was just rolling with the homies and spittin’ mad ‘90s slang and these Gen-Z jabronies wanna give me the gas face? As if!
So peep this. There I was just mindin’ my own with my posse while giving them the download on this fly honey (who is all that and a bag of chips) that I wanna knock boots with when all the sudden these Gen-Z kids come out of nowhere and start grillin’ me. “Hey, why are you talking like some MTV host about to introduce a new TLC video?” And I said, “Damn son, you got me good with that burn… NOT!”
Why does this always keep happening? This whole generation is hella annoying and acts like I’m some kind of bee-otch. But they’re the bee-otches! Seems like wherever I may roam there’s some young grom thinking I’m a scrub. These kids can talk to the hand though cuz I keep it real. Wu-Tang!
Do these Gen-Z fools really think I’m some kind of gnarly old dude they can just dis? Nah, Homie don’t play dat. What am I some kind of old, out-of-touch dinosaur? I just went to Woodstock ‘99 only twenty-five years ago! These kids better check themselves before they wriggedy wreck themselves.
Sometimes I think I want to just take a chill pill and hang at the crib and see what’s crackalackin’ on cable. Maybe throw a phat Eagle-Eye Cherry CD on the stereo, play something on my Playstation 1, and call up the pizza place on my cordless phone for delivery. Wayne’s World! Party Time! Excellent!
Wifey always said I was stuck in the past and wanted me to stop with the ‘90s slang (Buzzkill!). She said I needed to stop trippin’ and get some help because it was causing mad drama and yadda yadda yadda now I’m divorced. That’s right ladies, it’s the return of the mack.
But seriously, Jennifer if you’re reading this please come back, I know I can change and not be such a fart-knocker who is stuck in the ‘90s anymore. If you come back I promise to stop using so much outdated jargon and embarrassing myself and maybe together we can raise the roof. Word is bond.