PHILADELPHIA — Lifelong fan of black metal Karl Donner was reportedly unsure if his fandom of Norwegian stalwarts Dimmu Borgir was acceptable among his peers,…
OSLO, Norway — Black metal band Frossen Ensomhet undertook a series of team-building church burning activities at the behest of their band therapist, sources report.…
Immortal has no bad albums and in many ways they are the total package. They’ve been around long enough to have real cred. They’re from…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local black metal artist Aortic Burst was humiliated yesterday when his coworkers listened to, and subsequently legitimately loved, his music, well-meaning sources…
While everyone remembers the day the ‘90s died (September 11th, 2001), very few remember the day the ‘80s died, December 27th, 2020. On top of…
BERGEN, Norway — Norwegian black metal band Benevolent Mouthfuck held a viking funeral for their bassist Erik “Zerononymous” Hansen even though he was still alive…
HOUSTON — Self-starter Norwegian black metal band Necrocide flew to America with the goal of setting fire to a Megachurch, sources confirmed. “We’ve been burning…
TROLLSTIGEN, Norway — Teenage punks Xavier Martinez and Sydney Black were shocked to discover that the address of a house show would only be revealed…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Ryan Trent, a lifelong metalhead in his late 40s, is having a crisis of identity after hearing Darkthrone’s black metal scorcher “Summer…
FRENCH LICK, Ind. — Local black metal parents Suzanne and Dmitri Ubnatern are persistent in asking their 30-year-old daughter to give them grandchildren to metaphorically…
BERGEN, Norway — American black metal band Shadows Over Mirkwood embarked on a two-week tour of Norway in search of artistic inspiration and a healthcare…
LOS ANGELES — A tall, blonde-ish actor with Scandinavian roots based in Hollywood is struggling to remember which Skarsgård family member he is, according to…
OSLO, Norway — Members of the black metal band Flesheating Cadaver are reportedly entirely unaware that they have accidentally chosen a death metal name, vicariously…
BEIJING — Norway added another gold medal in the 2022 Winter Olympic Games when their team of Black Metal musicians dominated the Standing Around in…
TAMPA, Fla. — Norwegian black metal band Emyn Arnen were seen wandering into a JCPenney store after spotting a prominent Black Friday sign in the…