Everyone says how long 2020 has felt, but it seems to have gone by in a flash when it comes to listening to new music.…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — A Biohazard patch on local metalhead Barret Boone’s denim jacket is reportedly becoming less of an endorsement of the band and…
WOODLAWN, Md. — A recent government study indicates that fans of thrash metal will finally be eligible for Social Security benefits in the coming year,…
AMSTERDAM — Belgian metalhead Joost Lambert spent nearly four hours in the Museum of Torture yesterday looking up every item on display to see if…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local metalhead Kevin Miller turned the volume down on his amp from 11 to 10 earlier this morning in a clear indicator…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local man Blake Davis, known for his large tribal tattoo that doubles as a Godsmack tattoo, went door-to-door this week to explain…
DETROIT — Aging rocker Perry Dunn, frontman for the seminal hair metal band Töpsy Türvy, left his rented room at the luxurious Shinola Hotel pristine…
LONDON — Venerable heavy metal legends Iron Maiden announced they will hit the road again late next year and will feature a touring lineup consisting…
ATLANTA — Adam Hansen, the lead vocalist of death metal band Corpse Licker and best known for his flowing locks and grimly haunting aesthetic, was…
WEST LAWN, Penn. — A violent altercation in an IHOP parking lot yesterday between members of doom-metal band Savage Agnes was the closest thing the…
IRVINE, Calif. — Fastidious and strict Irvine Public High School Principal Gene Jensen was assaulted at work yesterday by the hair metal band Goldenrod while…
PLAINSVILLE, Iowa — Local virgin Andy Wardell grew concerned yesterday that his future sexual intercourse may resemble the acts described in any of the Cannibal…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local realtor Aaron “Shredder” Dukowski can’t wait to show potential buyers exactly where a gruesome quadruple murder happened inside the two-story…
Curses! Here I am trying to enjoy a live-streamed performance from Cradle of Filth, my beloved purveyors of gothic metal darkness, and wouldn’t you know…
MANKATO, Minn. — Speedwolf drummer Levi Daniels abandoned his Tama Swingstar kit and assorted hardware yesterday to a “pants-shittingly” large spider spotted on the snare…