GOLDEN, Colo. — Legendary metal band Pantera announced today a collaboration with Coors Brewing Company to bring their fans a new box set in the…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Universal Music Group will reissue nü-metal outfit Papa Roach’s seminal 2000 album “Infest” in a deluxe edition that features five less…
LOS ANGELES — Local Boy Scout Matthew Bolz allegedly did not realize that the old woman he aided across the street yesterday was actually heavy…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…
Shy Metalhead Building Up Courage to Ask Cute Girl If She Can Name Every Member of Bathory
ATHENS, Ga. — Bashful metal enthusiast Ross Bromberg attempted to muster up the strength yesterday to speak with a woman he believed to be both…
Man Bitten by Drunken Rattlesnake Magically Learns Every Pantera Riff
ARLINGTON, Texas — Local dishwasher Dale Bennett was suddenly imbued with the ability to play every Pantera riff yesterday after he was bit on the…
BALTIMORE — Local audio engineer Pat “Filth” Filtrenzo realized yesterday that his “pay by the hour” business model was deeply flawed after multiple grindcore bands…
Everyone says how long 2020 has felt, but it seems to have gone by in a flash when it comes to listening to new music.…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — A Biohazard patch on local metalhead Barret Boone’s denim jacket is reportedly becoming less of an endorsement of the band and…
WOODLAWN, Md. — A recent government study indicates that fans of thrash metal will finally be eligible for Social Security benefits in the coming year,…
Metalhead at Torture Museum Googling Every Contraption to See if It’s Already a Band Name
AMSTERDAM — Belgian metalhead Joost Lambert spent nearly four hours in the Museum of Torture yesterday looking up every item on display to see if…
Aging Metalhead Turns Volume Down to Ten
RICHMOND, Va. — Local metalhead Kevin Miller turned the volume down on his amp from 11 to 10 earlier this morning in a clear indicator…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local man Blake Davis, known for his large tribal tattoo that doubles as a Godsmack tattoo, went door-to-door this week to explain…
Aging Rocker Now Only Destroys Hotel Bathroom
DETROIT — Aging rocker Perry Dunn, frontman for the seminal hair metal band Töpsy Türvy, left his rented room at the luxurious Shinola Hotel pristine…
Iron Maiden Announces “Oops All Guitars” Tour Lineup
LONDON — Venerable heavy metal legends Iron Maiden announced they will hit the road again late next year and will feature a touring lineup consisting…