Stephen Bell
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TORONTO — Crust punk Seth Ulrich tragically bled to death yesterday after making the unfortunate decision to floss his teeth…
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Ted Pillow
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PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dave Landers received the COVID-19 vaccine on Thursday and is now looking forward to never, ever…
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John Danek
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No economist could have predicted the year toilet paper had in 2020. There were weeks-long stretches when shelves were completely…
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John Danek
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Ooo, I’ve never had mugwort/wormwood tea, but I’m excited to try! This is the perfect way to end a great…
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Jonah Nink
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It’s hard to envision how society will look in a post coronavirus world. Maybe everything will be fine, or maybe…
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Mark Bouchard
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NAPERVILLE, Ill. — 26-year old DIY punk and scene fixture Jax Williamson will use dental floss to fix almost anything…
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Nick Conway
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SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local slob Brian Helmes decreed today that the T-shirt he’s worn under his hoodie for the past…
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Erin McLaughlin
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NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — Local man Aaron Mendle simply wet his hair in the sink yesterday and wrapped a towel…
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Zac Townsend
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TAMPA, Fla. — Local show-goer Tommy Gill was informed by irate staff at Fitzie’s Pub last night that the item…
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Anya Volz
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DENVER — Local anomaly and known dirtbag David Gunther has perplexed a team of scientists with his disgust at the…
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