Having trouble breaking into the job market with just your skills and qualifications? That’s adorable. When I was young, we earned our positions the old-school…
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance once again shared his belief that Americans need to be having more babies, though sources say it’s become increasingly…
LEBANON, Kan. — The Trump administration announced that the Department of Education has been wholly replaced by a giant iPad playing a constant stream of…
COTTAGE GROVE, Ore. — Local grindcore drummer Jermaine Anderson assured his girlfriend Tatiana Wayford that being in his band has yet to result in attention…
Sure, most people occasionally unwind with a drink or go to happy hour after work but I’m on a very different journey than “most people.”…
HAMDEN, Conn. — A new Quinnipiac University poll suggested that President Trump’s approval ratings hit an all-time high among nine-year-olds whose parents are total dogshit,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to have been filled with nothing…
With so many dubious reports and “studies” flooding our news channels and social media, it is damn near impossible to reach a consensus on anything.…
SAN FRANCISCO — Pop punk archaeologists uncovered shocking evidence that ancient Green Day fans boiled captives alive inside of hollow bronze statues of Tré Cool,…
BOSTON — Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology determined that billionaire and father of 13 Elon Musk is statistically three to four children away…
Not to sound like a bitter old man but things truly were better back in the halcyon days of the 90’s, rose colored glasses be…
SAN DIEGO — A local group of five CSU San Marcos English majors formed a remedial math rock band to bone up on their algebra…
BOSTON — Dropkick Murphys bagpipe player Campbell Webster was seen frantically Googling “puke bagpipes clean help Boston,” confirmed sources who gave him a “good luck…
Experts say taking care of your mental health is one of the most important things you can do. That’s why this year I finally decided…
WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Local Confederate LARPer Dale McKagney was known around town as a loser in his everyday life which coincided with his role-playing life,…