NEWARK, Ohio — Local man John Regan went on a 20-minute tirade about gasoline prices while live streaming from his F150 pickup truck with the engine running, confirmed eye-rolling sources.
“I got my license in 2002, but I’ve been driving since the ‘90s and prices haven’t stopped going up,” said Regan while wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. “I remember when a gallon of gas was less than a gallon of iced tea. It was less than spring water. It’s like a man can’t sit alone in his $80,000 pickup truck while broadcasting his thoughts on Facebook anymore without paying an arm and a leg for fuel. Hopefully all of these hybrids and electric cars will decrease the demand for gas, leaving more for me so I’m not spending my entire paycheck at the pump.”
Madison Brooks, a sophomore at Ohio State University, accidentally clicked on her uncle’s live icon when she was checking on the fixed gear bike she was selling on Marketplace.
“Uncle Johnny has always been kind of entertaining. Thanksgiving dinner is usually painful, but he adds color commentary to the discussion,” said Brooks. “Even so, I really don’t understand who they are or why there are three people that have been watching his live stream for 17 minutes. I could only stand 30 seconds of his stream, but he was off the rails yapping about Sunoco stations and cabals. Makes sense that he’s been divorced three times already.”
Fuel Economist Vance Crayton from Crayton, Peyton & Associates was well-aware of Regan’s concerns about rising gas prices.
“When you factor in geopolitical issues, inflation, and the cost of fossil fuels, it isn’t very wise to commute to your office job in a gas guzzling pickup truck, let alone leave it running,” said Crayton. “Those should be used for towing, hauling, and other heavy duty activities. In fact, while sitting in his truck idling for 20 minutes, Mr. Regan used nearly half of a gallon of gas. There’s got to be a more fuel-efficient place for him to live stream his rants, like maybe a Prius.”
At press time, Regan was seen ranting about socialism despite receiving unemployment benefits for all year.