LAS VEGAS — A sound clip from 1989 film “Steel Magnolias” was accidentally used in the beginning of the song “Axewound Rhinoplasty” by notorious death/grind…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 39-year-old Dwight Jenkins went on a series of tirades decrying “Gen Z’s endless string of luck” and is a little jealous that…
Investing is a perfect metaphor for life. Make shrewd decisions now, and your future self will thank you. However, while this approach might work for…
SEEKONK, Mass. — Local man Gregory Bouchard boasts a savant-like skill for identifying songs by ‘90s post-grunge one-hit wonders, according to astounded sources. “People don’t…
NEW YORK — President Donald Trump vowed to bring sweatshops back to the US by reverting chic loft apartments, confirmed uneasy sources. “We’re going to…
Dear Sir, I hope this letter finds you, though previous correspondence has remained undelivered due to complaints from the Post Office that your mailbox keeps…
WASHINGTON — The nation’s fans of progressive metal band Dream Theater stormed the Capitol after the price of Real Dolls, a brand of life-size sex…
GREENVILLE, N.C. — Jimmy “Mr. Beast” Donaldson announced plans to expand his empire into the pharmaceutical market with new Plan B-eastables emergency contraceptive pills, sources…
Mention Turnstile around a hardcore kid and you’ll get a range of reactions. Some offer calm, measured takes like, “Good for those guys. They deserve…
NASHVILLE — Veteran line cook Gerry Powell insisted on blaring music through his shattered iPhone 5 by placing it inside of a stainless steel cambro…
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance lashed out at working-class Americans today criticizing their inability to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and find an…
Everybody is aware of John Mellencamp’s befuddling “suckin’ on chili dogs” line, so we sat down with the aging rocker to learn the real meaning…
SMITHFIELD, Ind. — A chart-blazing country pop song extolling the qualities of a small town spends most of its length bizarrely boasting about its high…
ABINGTON, Mass. — Local man Mike Horrigan declared he was living an Orwellian nightmare after dropping all his expensive Apple products into a freshly used…
Oh no, it happened again! Looks like your neighborhood crust punk got scared and scratched your kid after she got too close to his Marlboro…