When I left home to become a big-time mall Santa divorce attorney in New York City, I never thought I’d end up back in my…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a new bill that bans the word “gay” from being used in any Christmas songs past or…
ELSMERE, Del. — A Breaking Benjamin song heard on the radio by two friends initially thought to be a Chevelle song actually ended up being…
Well, it’s that magical time of the year again. It’s the holidays and all that capitalist bullshit that we used to make fun of when…
LOS ANGELES — Hallmark revealed that their latest holiday movie titled “The Christmas Stud” will feature a punk scene veteran opening a piercing shop in…
Whether you are among the 1% aristocrats or just a big Kubrick fan playing pretend, Christmas is a time to get naked and recreate everyone’s…
LAS VEGAS — Flair bartender Nico Cavalcante drew criticism from his customers today after they all agreed that he probably didn’t need to do all…
As the unofficial assistant hiring manager for Frankie’s Frozen Pizzas Incorporated, I’ve seen my fair share of disrespectful candidates, but I can’t say I recall…
LOS ANGELES — A decorative mistletoe went missing at a Hollywood holiday party only to be discovered in a private bedroom being sucked on by…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — California Governor Gavin Newsom declared a state of emergency after realizing it’s been well over two weeks since he was the center…
Son, I will not be mailing your Christmas wishlist to the North Pole this year, please have a seat. Over the years your mother and…
The influence Bad Brains has had on the punk and hardcore scenes over the past four decades can’t be understated. And we don’t just mean…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — The recently reelected Donald Trump announced that he was most excited to return to the White House in order to locate…
Get ready for a truth bomb. I keep hearing about this new bullshit epidemic known as “male loneliness” and it makes me so mad, I…
ARKADELPHIA, Ark. — Friends of local David Bowie fan William Malloy report the young man has a completely different personality every time you see them.…