Neel Bhakta
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SEATTLE — Local barista and dull plebian Marcella Flores was recently alerted that her longtime friend of 20 years has…
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RJ Atkinson
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SANTE FE, N.M. — A recent study revealed that America’s primary source of education has been reduced to fun facts…
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Neel Bhakta
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LOS ANGELES — Local wannabe scenester Jeremiah Buford is currently going through the soul crushing embarrassment of DMing a promoter…
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Steve Packosky
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MOBILE, Ala. — Members of black metal band Christspearer found themselves regretting setting fire to St. Mark the Evangelist’s Catholic…
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Jesse Kubanet
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BETHESDA, Md. — Lockheed Martin CEO James Taiclet recently released an Instagram video of him taking a bite of a…
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Jose Balderas
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NEW YORK — Newly minted ICE agent Jake Barnes was overheard complaining about the agency’s ongoing leniency towards Irish and…
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RJ Atkinson
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EVANSTON, Ill. — A recent study out of Northwestern University confirmed that Free Throw’s iconic midwest emo anthem “Two Beers…
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Arielle Andreano
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WASHINGTON — The Office of the Surgeon General released comprehensive guidance on using two large stuffed crust pizzas as a…
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Jose Balderas
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LA MIRADA, Calif. — Kat Rapier decided to let her husband purchase a Fender Custom Shop guitar he’d been eyeing…
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Trevor Graham
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LOS ANGELES — A young couple recently sighted at a local punk show was deemed way too attractive to actually…
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