DALLAS — Local middle-aged Slayer fan Doug Ulner was immediately prescribed medication to address his presumed high blood pressure upon his entrance to Southwest Dallas…
We all face problems in life, from agonizing over your crippling fear of commitment and proposing to your longtime partner to developing a crippling fear…
Rookie NFL Game DJ Mistakenly Presses “Crazy Train” Button Instead of “Welcome to the Jungle” Button
Rookie NFL Game DJ Mistakenly Presses “Crazy Train” Button Instead of “Welcome to the Jungle” Button
GREEN BAY, Wisc. — Local man Jason Broderick committed a grievous error in pressing the “Crazy Train” button instead of the “Welcome to the Jungle”…
Disinformation has always been an issue in our society, and with the rise of social media, bad actors have been given carte blanche to spread…
CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Archaeologists reportedly uncovered ancient cave paintings that depict the very first telling of the Marilyn Manson rib surgery story, amazed sources say.…
We all know the rules: try your hardest to be a good person and spend your life committing honorable deeds to be rewarded with an…
CHICAGO — Former Blink-182 guitarist Matt Skiba was seen staring out a window on a rainy day this past week while wondering if Mark Hoppus…
The Muppets have been America’s favorite go-to brand of wholesome entertainment the whole family can truly enjoy since the premier of their pilot episode “The…
WHEELING, W.V. – Supposed Cannibal Corpse fan Gary Morgan is allegedly using a dating app to find a new romantic partner instead of perusing his…
It’s no secret that popular music has become completely pussified. I recently asked my teenage nephew what bands he likes, and he brought up some…
SAEGERTOWN, Pa. — Local punk Brian McFee assured everyone that his newfound wealth would have no impact on his worldview after winning $50 in a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — White progressive voters across the country announced they were excited by how many different races, genders, and ethnicities they can blame for…
WASHINGTON — Vice President-elect J.D. Vance made history earlier this week when he became the first person to hold the office who is extremely unsettling…
APPLETON, Wis. — Local woman Allyson Boyle was completely turned off after discovering that her date Doug Innis referred to his braided goatee as a…
We hear it all the time when a literary classic is put to film: “I enjoyed it, but the movie was so much better.” Even…