PALO ALTO, Calif. — Scientists for Tesla’s robotics team have reported that recent requests from senior management indicate that they are more than likely being…
SEATTLE — Local amateur groupie Sarah Pepper is reportedly horrified after accidentally sleeping with the deceased body lying behind a local bar’s PA system. “I…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local punk Randy “Dirty Randy” Lopez made a surprisingly well-thought-out and articulated case for the Chrysler PT Cruiser as a counter-culture icon,…
According to some fans, “The Simpsons” has predicted numerous future events, including the election of Donald Trump and a tiger attack of Siegfried and Roy.…
NEW YORK — Jezebel writer Cara Olson has reportedly been ‘methodical’ and ‘giddy’ in her attempt to find something problematic about the critically acclaimed HBO…
WASHINGTON — Fox News host Tucker Carlson used the 1981 Dead Kennedys song “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” as one of the first examples of cancel…
LONDON — American ska band Big Potatoes recently caused the worst traffic jam in UK history while attempting to incorporate every band member in a…
BETHESDA, Md. — Local resident Emily Spencer suffered through yet another flavorless meal when friend Darrien Thomas announced that he could only go somewhere with…
NEW YORK — Broadway’s newest jukebox musical, “Beyond Butterfly,” featuring the music of early 2000s rap-rock band Crazy Town, opened at the Winter Garden Theatre…
INDIANAPOLIS — National Guard veteran Katy Hawkins is reportedly still suffering from traumatic memories of attempting to navigate the benefits owed to her by the…
LAS CRUCES, N.M — Several local teens mocking adult man Terry Rothstein at the Mesilla Valley Mall have inadvertently caused him to work to improve…
WALTHAM, Mass. — A recent study published by the New England Journal of Medicine found that women who date men over the age of 40…
We asked and you voted! Meet The Hard Times Sexiest Man Alive 2021: Slimy the oppossum! At 2-and-a-half years old, Slimy has been through the…
ATLANTA — Local sub Darren Payne was rebuffed by his partner, Anthony Clark, in his request to be bound, gagged, and forced to walk around…
NORFOLK, Va. — Local man and self-proclaimed “Roganite,” Connor Patterson, admits to being open to a variety of expert opinions and science facts, as long…