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Dad At Basement Show Noticing All Sorts of Issues Hosts Are Gonna Have If They Don’t Update Plumbing Soon

DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local dad Grant Mumby recently attended a house show where he noticed a litany of infrastructure problems for which he would be happy to recommend a good contractor, sources who definitely weren’t paying attention to the opening band confirmed.

“I was having a nice evening organizing my workbench when I saw a bunch of punkers loading their axes into the run-down house next door, I thought this would be a great opportunity to see some live music and meet the neighbors, I’ve always been a big fan of live music, but haven’t been able to get out as much since Megan was born,” said Mumby while rushing home to grab a tape measurer. “But when I got down in that cellar, oh boy, it was nothing but galvanized pipe that looked like a stiff wind would make it break apart. I tried to point out several areas of concern to the young man in charge and he kept asking if I was a cop.”

Neighbor and show host Dave “Four Remaining Teeth” Verbinski disagreed with Mumby’s assessment that his basement had the “worst water situation [Mumby] has seen since the Navy.”

“We host shows almost every week and that dude was the first one to complain about the leaky pipes. He spent 35 minutes showing me a catalog of PVC fittings and then told me it looked like the water heater could explode at any minute, the dude needs to relax,” gurgled Verbinski. “Just because the toilet empties directly into the rain gutter and occasionally the kitchen sink catches fire don’t mean nothing’s wrong with our plumbing. I’ve lived under collapsed railroad bridges, I can handle a leak here or there.”

Master plumber Merle Griffords detailed the recent rise in house show-related plumbing emergencies.

“Yeah, I get called out to punk shows probably three to four times a week. Usually it’s an easy fix, like someone tried to hang from one of the pipes and bent the heck out of it. But occasionally you get thrown a curveball like the time that kid got his devilock stuck in the bathtub drain,” regaled Griffords. “But nowadays, before I even head out on a call, I make sure to get show attendance numbers beforehand. If I’m only getting paid twenty percent of the door to head out there then it better be a good fucking show.”

At press time, Mumby was further shocked to see showgoers discarding their cigarette butts wherever they pleased rather than in the proper smoking refuse receptacle.