BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Multiple references to new couple Darius Mastrogiovanni and Sam Padgett’s disgustingly raunchy sex life were skillfully and politely ignored while out at…
DAYTON, Ohio – Local man Jesse Clingman found himself unimpressed and longing for a friend to direct his complaints after viewing the entirety of Peter…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local punk band Dungeons and Koalas applied their optimistic mindset to see a completely empty venue during their set as half full,…
LOS ANGELES — Incubus was voted the Most Popular Band for People Who Almost Did Shrooms Once for the 21st consecutive year in an unofficial…
NEW YORK — Local unemployed man George Costanza attempted to impress colleagues by pretending to be a member of metalcore band Architects while out to…
TAUNTON, Mass. — Local maniac and new mother Aidy Simmons is now apparently the foremost expert on health, safety, and almost every other topic now…
SAN RAFAEL, Calif. — Metallica lead guitarist and wah pedal enthusiast Kirk Hammett couldn’t remember if he is supposed to go to James Hetfield’s mansion…
EAST LANSING, Mich. — Reports show that despite the acid you took having kicked in only five minutes ago, you have somehow been absolutely losing…
CINCINNATI — Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute band, Los Jalapenos, vow to press on with their tri-state tour despite low attendance, scathing reviews, and looming…
WINNETKA, Ill. — New Trier High School bully from the class of 1997, Al Edwin, is amazed at what losers and lame motherfuckers can get…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — A new Descendents box set is exciting fans with never-before-heard songs and lost recordings including a version of “I Like Food”…
OVERLAND PARK, Kan. — Local pasta enthusiast, Harold Roy, told the server at the Metcalf South Mall Olive Garden location to just leave the grater…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local band Not Just a Faze got the biggest break of their career after discovering that their entire rehearsal space has a…
LONDON — Bedroom post-punk musician Rob Davidson begged listeners to use headphones while listening to his latest EP, apparently unaware that he would be fortunate…
NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — Local man Stephen Banquist scattered clothing, pet hair, and random bits of garbage all over his apartment to give himself an…