BURLINGTON, Vt. — Friends and family of recently deceased Edwin Peters decided to go the extra mile for his funeral by arranging the funeral of…
BALTIMORE — Recently deceased punk Cary Lowery’s will primarily consisted of returning the stolen property he took from his closest friends over the years, confirmed…
TACOMA, Wash. — Mourners attending the funeral for local goth legend Joshua Proach, also known as Alistair Nightfall, weren’t sure which of the several hearses…
My Uncle Ted stood at the lectern, tears in his eyes reciting “Auld Lang Syne”, when off in the distance an El Camino could be…
Someone has got to stop him. He keeps doing it and it’s not funny. It wasn’t funny the first time and it’s not funny now,…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Aging tricenarian Colleen Myers admitted to being surprised by the sheer amount of conversations she is having about acquaintances passing when catching…
Is there anything more boring than a funeral? You might as well get shitfaced while respectfully expressing your condolences. Thanks to your shitty genes, family…
It finally happened, your beloved Grandfather passed away. He will be remembered for complaining about how nobody wants to work these days, how he put…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local community members attending a nearby funeral reported the mood of the event was a bit sour thanks to the presence of…
TERRE HAUTE, Ind. — Nearly all of the speakers at the service for deceased punk Jeremy Wiggins reported that he’d passed away still owing them…
DURHAM, N.C. — Allegedly ill punk Tommy Donnelly has taken to his deathbed, which is also his roommate’s used futon, with only enough strength to…
To begin with, I’d like to formally apologize to anyone I may have offended during the funeral of Lucas Hodge, the father of my current…
Lubomir Karashenko July 15, 1976 – July 22, 2023 Lubomir Karashenko was born on a desolate stretch of Ukrainian tundra known to the locals as…
VESTAL, N.Y. — The funeral for local punk Jimmy Stark became a matter of sheer embarrassment when his best friend Derek Norton accidentally forgot to…
BALTIMORE — Relatives of recently deceased punk Bryan Allen decided to postpone the beginning of his funeral until a few more mourners show up, sources…