DAYTON, Ohio — The recently announced 20 Years of Tears tour featuring emo legends Hawthrone Heights, Thursday, and Saosin will sell VIP tickets that include…
HANSON, Mass. — Local man Ryan Cook reportedly spent his entire 40th birthday reassuring himself he’s not that old, despite calling himself geriatric 10 years…
LAS VEGAS — Increasing demand for Ibuprofen following When We Were Young 2, a festival targeting millennials who desperately want to relive their best years,…
SHERIDAN, Wyo. — Elder millennial Connor Allison suffered an existential crisis upon realizing the actor playing a “geriatric old fart” in one of his favorite…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — 45-year-old salon owner Jessica Hunter slashed her laptop with barber shears in response to an “adult contemporary” playlist recommendation given to her…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…
