Don Herbert better known as “Mr. Wizard” was the beloved host of “Mr. Wizard’s World,” an educational science show that even the most jaded Gen…
One of the best aspects of childhood was it being so natural to ask what, why, and how anything and everything existed. And for us…
Hey, you. Yeah… you. The guy hiding behind the plastic shrubs near the restrooms. Listen as carefully as you can to every word I’m about…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local crustie Hank “Spew” Collins was shocked and appalled to discover the cocaine he’d been snorting all night and well into the…
BALTIMORE — A recent study out of Johns Hopkins confirms there’s absolutely nothing cool about drugs, except for all the cool stuff you’ll see, hear,…
Wow, you can never judge a book by its cover. Even if that cover is an NYPD uniform. I mean here I am, stumbling piss…
PITTSBURGH — A punk-themed YouTube show called “Huff Ones” where guests inhale volatile substances is gaining popularity despite warnings from health officials, according to sources.…
SIMSBURY, Conn. — Local straight edge high schoolers recently stated that their commitment to living a drug- and alcohol-free lifestyle will have no effect on…
SPRINGFIELD, Va. — Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is still the single most effective…
I don’t mean to come off as preachy or superior, but I’ve always felt sorry for people who need to consume a substance to have…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to have been filled with nothing…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local punk Pattie “Two Dollar” O’Malley set up a foundation dedicated to researching and curing “coke dick,” a condition that renders…
The joyless march towards death comes with many indignities like wearing earplugs at concerts, knees that can’t outrun cops, or trading in your favorite Vans…
As millions of Americans are committing to a “Dry January” in earnest, millions more are realizing, “Hey, wait, what the fuck, I committed to being…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Nathan Burke was traumatized by an onslaught of unattractive people in Fairmount Park after he took acid on a picnic blanket…