Wow, you can never judge a book by its cover. Even if that cover is an NYPD uniform. I mean here I am, stumbling piss…
PITTSBURGH — A punk-themed YouTube show called “Huff Ones” where guests inhale volatile substances is gaining popularity despite warnings from health officials, according to sources.…
SIMSBURY, Conn. — Local straight edge high schoolers recently stated that their commitment to living a drug- and alcohol-free lifestyle will have no effect on…
SPRINGFIELD, Va. — Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is still the single most effective…
I don’t mean to come off as preachy or superior, but I’ve always felt sorry for people who need to consume a substance to have…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to have been filled with nothing…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local punk Pattie “Two Dollar” O’Malley set up a foundation dedicated to researching and curing “coke dick,” a condition that renders…
The joyless march towards death comes with many indignities like wearing earplugs at concerts, knees that can’t outrun cops, or trading in your favorite Vans…
As millions of Americans are committing to a “Dry January” in earnest, millions more are realizing, “Hey, wait, what the fuck, I committed to being…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Nathan Burke was traumatized by an onslaught of unattractive people in Fairmount Park after he took acid on a picnic blanket…
REDDING, Calif. – Former junior high bully and antagonist of a 1990 anti-drug PSA Ryan Telley is reportedly still pushing handfuls of pre-rolled joints onto…
So you’re on a sobriety kick, I get it, we’ve all been there. Or, maybe you’re straight edge, haven’t even tasted the sweet release of…
Meet Brian Holly, a man whose life took an unexpected turn at a Dave Matthews Band concert. In the concert parking lot, he took mushrooms…
DARBY, Penn. — Local punk mother Janelle Zander was mortified to discover her son, whom she believed was out partying with friends, was actually diligently…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Disney’s beloved icon Mickey Mouse was unceremoniously fired after a decades-old airbrushed image of him smoking a joint recently surfaced online, Disney…