WASHINGTON— Mitch McConnell revealed that he was “relieved” to learn that the specter of death he kept seeing slowly rambling behind him on Capitol Hill…
DURHAM, N.C. — Allegedly ill punk Tommy Donnelly has taken to his deathbed, which is also his roommate’s used futon, with only enough strength to…
No nepo baby in recent memory has commanded the national attention than the looming blood clot located somewhere inside Mitch McConnell’s middle cerebral artery. The…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Hawaiian shirt and khaki short-wearing mourners on beaches across the country solemnly participated in a memorial Happy Hour of Silence to…
Presumably BitTorrent’s favorite band, Death Grips have been legends of the underground music community for over a decade. And in the years that have followed…
Family game night is an excellent way to bring your deepest darkest resentments and conflicts with the people closest to you right up to the…
Melinda Stumkins November 14, 1982 – August 4, 2023 Born in Silver Spring, Maryland, Melinda Stumkins was a devoted wife, a loving mother to three…
I’m in a bit of a pickle here. Ever since I picked up guitar at 13 and subscribed to Guitar World magazine, I’ve obsessed over…
Stern Hanson March 4, 1962 – July 29, 2023 Born in Reno, Nevada, Stern Hanson was amongst the most dedicated members of the Reno scene,…
JANESVILLE, Wisc. — Tom Howard, a local 39-year-old with a rare Saturday afternoon to himself, was faced with a startling realization that a porn star…
Lubomir Karashenko July 15, 1976 – July 22, 2023 Lubomir Karashenko was born on a desolate stretch of Ukrainian tundra known to the locals as…
Diane Cranford January 29, 1951 – July 14, 2023 Born in Odessa, Texas, Diane Cranford was raised by local rodeo clowns “Slappy” and “Dr. Floppy…
CORTLAND, N.Y. — Local plumber and barfly Randy Kunzelman became borderline irate after a family member told him most of the horrific footage featured in…
Donald Sheffield June 4, 1990 – July 5, 2023 Born in Bennington, Vermont, Donald Sheffield was raised in a paper yurt on the backside of…
Death is the only thing certain in life, and if you’re a true punk you die a lot younger than most people. Here are just…