COVINGTON, Ky. — Neophyte bassist Braxton Reynolds came to the startling realization last week that his metronome apparently jumps wildly in tempo while he practices,…
JASPER, Ark. — Local militia member Lance Hagan accidentally ate the three years’ worth of emergency rations while anxiously watching the election results, according to…
WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being counted, including an extra request…
AUSTIN, Texas — Sleep-deprived insurrectionist Terrence Dravenstatt finally achieved a good night’s rest last night after using a modified version of the traditional insomnia cure…