Count Tag Archives

John Danek • March 2, 2021

COVINGTON, Ky. — Neophyte bassist Braxton Reynolds came to the startling realization last week that his metronome apparently jumps wildly…

Dan Kozuh • November 6, 2020

JASPER, Ark. — Local militia member Lance Hagan accidentally ate the three years' worth of emergency rations while anxiously watching…

Anna Walsh • November 4, 2020

WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being…

Mark Roebuck • August 24, 2016

AUSTIN, Texas -- Sleep-deprived insurrectionist Terrence Dravenstatt finally achieved a good night’s rest last night after using a modified version…

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