BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local centrist Harris Miller revealed that he doesn’t care who wins the 2024 presidential election as long as each candidate has a…
NEW YORK — Centrist supervillain Devin “The Devil’s Advocater” Jameston gave an impassioned monologue today revealing his plan for global domination is just ensuring the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Members of renowned San Francisco Anarcho-Punk band Reagan Splinter announced that in the past few years, they’ve moved away from their original…
FREEHOLD, N.J. — 52-year-old Hank Quinn’s political opinions have swung violently to the center after being exposed to a non-stop barrage of New York Times…
RICHMOND, Va. — Diehard moderate Harold Quigley caused a stir in both the conspiracy theorist and scientist communities with his centrist viewpoint that the moon…
WASHINGTON — Centrist Democrats across the country expressed relief at seeing President Joe Biden dehumanize refugees with more decorum than his predecessor, sources reported. “After…