Press "Enter" to skip to content

Moderate Conspiracy Theorist Believes Only Third Moon Landing Faked

RICHMOND, Va. — Diehard moderate Harold Quigley caused a stir in both the conspiracy theorist and scientist communities with his centrist viewpoint that the moon landing was faked, but only the third moon landing in 1971 whereas all the others are legitimate.

“Although we live in an increasingly polarized world, the truth, as always, is in the middle,” asserted Quigley, 42, the Head of Environmental Sustainability at Raytheon. “Both sides in the ‘Is the moon landing real?’ debate have valid points that we can all learn from. I’ve done extensive research and while five out of the six manned missions to the moon were undoubtedly real, the third mission which landed on February 5, 1971, is clearly a government hoax. If you read the same literature I have and gave them equal time and consideration, you would be forced to come to the same conclusion that the third moon landing was done on a soundstage.”

Quigley’s centrist approach to the debate has won him some admirers.

“I used to think that the 1969 moon landing was fake, which really put a rift between me and my family. They said I ruined holidays, birthdays, and until I stop bringing up the moon I’m no longer allowed to see any of my nieces or nephews,” said former moon landing doubter, Brad Crandall, 61. “But Harold argued me out of my inflexible position with facts and logic. Now I see the truth – only the Apollo 14 mission is a reptilian government hoax, while the rest are stirring examples of mankind’s awe-inspiring potential. Finding this common ground has really healed my family strife.”

Approached for comment, beleaguered Head of Public Outreach at NASA Dr. Jessica Martinez remained perplexed by the very specific conspiracy theory.

“I’ve spent so much time and energy disproving the wackjobs who claim that the Apollo 11 mission was a hoax,” said Martinez, 39. “I have no idea how to even respond. The logic behind the entire theory confuses me to the point that I get a migraine. If we could actually go to the moon, why would we fake only the one mission?! I’m just so, so tired.”

Quigley is using his newfound notoriety to spread awareness of other centrist conspiracy theories by claiming that his research shows the lizard people who control the world from the center of the Earth are actually amphibious.