SAN FRANCISCO — Local hardcore entrepreneur Jeremiah Tiff aimed to open up a second pit after the successful launch of his first one, confirmed sources…
So, you turned 25, and you finally stole enough money from parking meters to get a business license. The next step? Growing that business to…
GIBBON, Neb. — Perennial local opening act Algae Pile is raking in cash after making the decision to sell the headliners’ merch at their table…
Running a business is hard right now. With the unreliable supply chain, labor shortages, and the price of materials, any business is lucky to make…
RAAHIL’S BODY — The fast-growing cystic acne chain on your friend Raahil’s face is launching franchise opportunities, with new pimples emerging on his upper back…
ST. LOUIS — Local man Connor Goodman checked the stock market today and was too confused by what he read to feel any sense of…
WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Canadian classic rock band Bachman-Turner Overdrive announced around the crack of noon that they will not be taking care of any business…
IDAHO FALLS, Idaho — Local man and recent entrepreneur Shawn Roberts revealed a pillow he invented while stoned off his ass early yesterday morning which…
GLEN BURNIE, Md. — Local punk Cris Martinson was recently honored by Forbes Magazine in their annual “30 People over 30 Who Need to Get…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Members of legendary punk band Descendents returned to the site of their original practice space, 9th and Walnut, to find the…
HEAVEN — Local divine and benevolent deity, God, updated His LinkedIn profile yesterday, changing His title to Content Creation Ninja in the first step to…
EL PASO, Texas — Post-hardcore band Asbestocide reportedly sold out what little cred they’ve obtained by not including free swag such as stickers or buttons…
BOSTON — Socially conscious punk Casey Chaminski is reportedly torn today between supporting a local coffee roaster that consistently fucks up his order, or a…
CULVER CITY, Calif. — Former “Pimp My Ride” contestant and man currently living out of “the dopest Civic in SoCal” Russel Burns is begging the…
Graphic Designer Completely Unaware He’s Cause of Dozens of Deep State Q Conspiracies
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local graphic designer Fletcher Townsend remains totally oblivious to the fact that his work portfolio continues to fuel multiple Qanon conspiracies, dozens…