Charles Bill
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CHICAGO — The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists shocked the world today with an announcement that their most chill scientist…
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Dan Kozuh
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DENVER — Local metalhead Nick Landon, 35, carefully considered his answer after his primary care physician asked him how many…
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Steve Packosky
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CASPER, Wyo. — Municipal Waste fan Dylan Medina was shocked and disgusted after remembering that he drank responsibly at local…
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Shane Pauker
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Concertgoer Seth Mosley had no choice but to chew off his own foot after it got stuck…
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Audrey Vieira
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Move over, California sober — There’s a new form of pseudo-sobriety in town and I’m leading the charge. It’s called…
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Ben Friedman
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DULUTH, Minn. — Exasperated coworkers of punk Jimmy Alpin threatened to quit after watching his work ethic repeatedly be eclipsed…
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Steve Packosky
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When you think about it, life is just a series of decisions. Most of them are completely banal and easily…
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Ben Friedman
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MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored…
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James Knapp
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SETSONVILLE, Md. — A recent influx of white people who are somehow even more wealthy and entitled than the last…
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Trevor Graham
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WASHINGTON — Presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris attempted to boost her perception as a “cool aunt” by announcing that if…
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