LINCOLN, Neb. — Local drunk Peter Brooks was outraged to find that despite holding the high score on the bar’s AC/DC pinball machine bartender Ben…
We Swapped All the Malört at This Bar With Piss-Flavored Gasoline and No One Said Anything
By Taylor Roebuck
Have you ever wanted to drink licorice-flavored varnish? Or perhaps floor cleaner garnished with dirt and earthworms? If so, you’re in luck, you little weirdo,…
Straight Man Weirdly Jealous of Lesbian
By Tiana Miller
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
Jackpot: Friend With Car Going Sober
By Billy Patterson
PHILADELPHIA – Local friend and owner of a comfortable and reliable five-seat sedan, Victor Schnellenberger, is planning to quit drinking alcohol and begin a long…
Drunk Scallop at Bar Talking About Time Gordon Ramsay Threw It on Countertop in Season Three, Episode Six of “Hell’s Kitchen” Again
By Krissy Howard
DOVER, Del. — A local townie and currently wasted-off-his-ass scallop is rambling on about the time his rubbery body was hurled across the room by…