You know what’s truly pathetic? The crowds of trust-fund influencers desperately trying to get a bartender’s attention, only to drop fifteen bucks (plus tip) on…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local drunk Peter Brooks was outraged to find that despite holding the high score on the bar’s AC/DC pinball machine bartender Ben…
Have you ever wanted to drink licorice-flavored varnish? Or perhaps floor cleaner garnished with dirt and earthworms? If so, you’re in luck, you little weirdo,…
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
PHILADELPHIA – Local friend and owner of a comfortable and reliable five-seat sedan, Victor Schnellenberger, is planning to quit drinking alcohol and begin a long…
DOVER, Del. — A local townie and currently wasted-off-his-ass scallop is rambling on about the time his rubbery body was hurled across the room by…