POMONA, Calif. — Local straight edger Dave Bower drank every non-alcoholic beverage intended for use as a mixer last night…
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Patrick Crooks
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BAYONNE, N.J. — Rooney’s Tavern resident sad guy John Russo is reportedly nothing more than a lonely, pathetic alcoholic, despite…
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Patrick Crooks
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PITTSBURGH — Local man Kevin Cole and his friends failed again moments ago attempting to sneak a keg into a…
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Michael Luis
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CHICAGO — Local man Keith McKenna purchased alcohol for a group of teens last Friday on the condition that they…
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Patrick Coyne
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SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Local man and “Mr. Fucking Big Shot” Dan Paulson was allegedly acting last night “like his…
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John Danek
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CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Department of Physics announced today the theoretical discovery of the…
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Patrick Coyne
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HORSHAM, Pa. — Local uncle and baby boomer Don Waldemire added the incredibly popular, carbonated alcoholic beverage White Claw today…
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Collin Canning
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SUMMERVILLE, S.C. — The hardcore band Gout prepared for their show tonight with their new tradition of drawing straws to…
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Kevin Tit
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Friends are arguably just as, if not more, important than family. A bond thicker than blood. They’re there for us…
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Jordan Breeding
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HARRISONBURG, Va. — Local punk and obvious alcoholic Marcia Fries announced moments ago that despite consuming nearly a dozen cans…
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