KYOTO, Japan — After suffering a string of damaging data breaches and leaked trade secrets such as hardware specs and console operating system code, Nintendo announced…
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WASHINGTON — An anonymous source has datamined the United States government and leaked what appears to be future plans for a release of the long…
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons, is actually a “total pussy”…
LOS ANGELES — Startling new models released today predict a massive spike in potential lovers subjecting their first dates to unsolicited details of their screenplays…
Members of the World Health Organization announced last Friday that the iconic Food Pyramid will be revised to include ‘feelings’ as a basic food group.…
Fans of Sega’s iconic blue hedgehog have been wondering for years why the company has stopped distributing 1994’s Sonic the Hedgehog 3 on digital platforms…
WASHINGTON — The recently added census question, “What is your darkest fear?” has sparked confusion amongst citizens filling out the questionnaire, U.S. Census Bureau officials…
MENLO PARK — With a wave of disappointment washing over himself for squandering another potentially productive day, an employee at Facebook headquarters was reportedly distraught…
SAN FRANCISCO — Pornhub saw a drastic spike in searches for “groups of more than 10 people” this quarter, the result of a new but…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local gamer Kayla Stephenson reportedly included various video game skills on a job resume in an attempt to look more professional. “As…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Short-form mobile video platform Quibi has proven exceedingly popular among premature ejaculators thanks to its 10-minute show format, performance anxiety-ridden sources…
JACKSON, Miss. — A Department of Sanitation report released early this morning stated that giant piles of garbage in passenger seats of messy cars across…
SAN FRANCISCO — A group of scientists have released new findings that reveal that the Star Wars universe is expanding much more slowly than experts…
NEW YORK — Billionaire industrialist Tony Stark announced a proposal today that would solve the ongoing climate crisis by shooting a big ol’ honkin’ laser…
RESEDA, Calif. — Tom Morello, guitarist and founding member of iconic rap/rock band Rage Against the Machine, confirmed once and for all that the titular…
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