Each week, The Hard Times looks back on a classic album. We also review it if we aren’t too drunk. This week we relistened to Meshuggah’s “Koloss” and discovered some interesting lyrical content we really weren’t expecting.
The brutal, extreme metal which Meshuggah has developed over the years naturally lends itself to a low, garbled vocal style. But that doesn’t mean they don’t put a shitload of effort into crafting their lyrics, focusing on themes ranging from life and death, existential skepticism, and the violence inherent of the universe.
Then there are these lyrics we discovered in Koloss’ lead-off track, “I Am Colossus:”
“I do prefer to sit in the front seat
whenever I ride in a Toyota Camry.
There’s just more legroom. It just makes sense.
Plus the cup holder is far more accessible.”
Well, that was pretty goddamn weird. It was pretty perplexing to us that a band known for heavy, brutal, and visceral lyrics would think to include a verse about seating preference in a mid-size sedan. Is it a metaphor? We aren’t sure, because before we could figure it out we were bombarded with these lyrics from “Break Those Bones Who Sinews Gave It Motion:”
“My friend Ben has a Camry.
Its front seat is cluttered
with empty McDonald’s cups.
It is hard to stretch my legs.
I want to sit there!
Clean your car, Ben!
Do it or I will
fill the cup holder with your guts!”
So is this a concept album? We couldn’t understand why Meshuggah would include two references to their friend Ben’s Camry on the same record across two songs. The good news was that we didn’t have to – because here’s the third one we found in the song “Demiurge:”
“I am sorry for my previous outburst, Ben.
I do not actually desire to fill the cup holder with your guts.
Here, let me assist you to clean up the McDonald’s cups.
Then we can drive to the rollercoaster park together.
I hope they have cotton candy.”
Okay. That’s kind of sweet. We still have no fucking idea why those are the lyrics but at least it’s nice they made up with Ben, whoever that is. So we guess, “Koloss,” kinda heartwarming. Good job, Meshuggah!
Score: 4 out of 5 Japanese sedans