INDIANAPOLIS — Cyndi Lauper’s 1983 hit song “Time After Time” being played in a Trader Joe’s supermarket caused a man to have an actual emotional…
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. – Distractions abounded in federal court after longtime former Abercrombie and Fitch CEO Mike Jefferies appeared before a judge oiled up…
Immortal has no bad albums and in many ways they are the total package. They’ve been around long enough to have real cred. They’re from…
BALTIMORE — Recently deceased punk Cary Lowery’s will primarily consisted of returning the stolen property he took from his closest friends over the years, confirmed…
It’s been days since we were first trapped inside this supermarket by the mist. Anyone who goes outside is doomed to be butchered by horrible…
WASHINGTON — Legendary post-hardcore band Fugazi announced they would be canceling their reunion tour because interest in the shows has been too high, confirmed sources…
At last, the Halloween season is upon us. People are firing up their Ouija boards, black cat adoptions are at their seasonal peak, and pretending…
In a way, we’re thankful to whoever tried to ram Christianity down Glen Benton’s throat during his childhood, as the end result was a chip…
WASHINGTON — President Biden sent his longtime friend Benjamin Netanyahu a thoughtful handwritten birthday card with a crisp $5 fresh off the mint, as well…
First, let me just say that there’s a legally compliant way to run a blood drive for elementary school students (boring!), and then there’s the…
MILWAUKEE — Local suburban father Dave Johnson made history after inadvertently performing the greatest rock and roll drum solo of all time on the willing…
Do you live in a swing state and wish you were dead from the relentless election ads? Skip all that shit (after filling out your…
Should we really let “society” determine when it is and is not appropriate to get a nice buzz on? The answer is categorically yes, if…
TAUNTON, Mass. — Local man Patrick Kelly surprised friends and family with his supposed “authentic” pronunciation of common Mexican foods after a week-long vacation in…
There was something undeniably femme in the air that day. A wind that whispered “shhhhhh” into the ears of men on the sidewalk outside the…