ATLANTA — U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders could not go on stage yesterday to lead his fundraising rally until he found someone to take over…
FILLMORE, Minn. — Researchers confirmed today that crust punk James “Pyrofuck” Polinita is officially the first human completely immune to Chronic Wasting Disease — popularly…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Legendary childhood diseases Measles and Polio will co-headline an upcoming U.S. tour, thanks entirely to the countless parents who absolutely refuse to…
Dear Scabby: I just got out of a five-month relationship, but find myself eager to start dating again. Out of respect, I think I should…
I’m a really angry person, and my preferred way to show my angst is by making snide remarks at strangers and through fashion. And what’s…
MILWAUKEE — Local Guitar Center manager Dean Liston suffered a severe mental breakdown at a Deep Purple show on Friday night during the opening riff…
Fellas, society is changing. And NOT for the better. The fact is, whether you’re a man, a horny cartoon wolf, or a horny cartoon skunk,…
LAS VEGAS — Legendary rude boy mascot Walt Jabsco, otherwise known as the logo for ska band The Specials, reportedly lost his 200th pair of…

Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly has nearly six gallons of uneaten lentil stew after a local Food Not Bombs meetup failed…
CINCINNATI — Local band Circus Warfare last week took in their fourth new drummer within the past year, but have yet to name her to…













