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Opinion: “Sound Guy” Is a Sexist Term. Women Can Be Needlessly Irate Control Freaks Too!

I can’t believe that “sound guy” is still a socially acceptable thing to call someone. What year is this, 2004?! How can this scene even claim to be inclusive and progressive if we’re not willing to admit that women can also be horrible monsters driven mad with the smallest modicum of authority over the placement of the mic stands? Is there no justice for the sisterhood?!

But oh sure, none of you think this is important. You’re all like, “We didn’t mean to offend you,” and “Please lady, for the love of fuck, can we please just finish our sound check already.” Oh we’ll finish sound check, but first, we’re gonna check your outdated, patriarchal views!

Since you haven’t been able or willing to correct your problematic diction on your own, here’s a few suggestions to replace that belittling “sound guy” you keep using:

  • Sound human
  • Sounder
  • Auralogist
  • Noise jerk
  • Master of the PA
  • Cocaine and microphone connection
  • Sweaty automaton possessing either testicles or labia or both or neither

See! How hard was that? Those were just a few off the top of my head, but feel free to take notes. And while you’re at it maybe also take note that amps only get loaded in from the east side of the stage and loaded out from the south. I have a whole system!

I guess the biggest issue I have with this is how thoughtlessly you would apply such a term. It’s like you don’t even see me for who I really am: your worst fucking nightmare who also just happens to have powers of the uterus. It’s a dick move, you sexist pigs.

Oh my god! You didn’t tune everything in drop D did you? You did! Okay, now I’m really mad.

You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and seriously rethink all of your outdated terminology. You have until the end of your set, the entirety of which I will spend smoking a blunt behind the dumpsters. And if any of you touch the board, I will electrocute you with your own delay pedal.