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Opinion: It’s Not My Job To Educate You. Therefore, I Will Not Be Telling You What on the Menu I Recommend

These days, too many people have the notion that their ignorance is everyone’s problem but their own. While it’s wonderful to expand one’s understanding of the world and those who inhabit it, it shouldn’t be at the expense of anyone else’s boundaries. That is why I will not be giving any recommendations or further information about our menu.

Day after day, night after night, I’m exhausted, not just from the physical and mental toll familiar to anyone who’s worked in food service, but the agonizing strain of people wanting to know “What’s good?” or “Which of these do you like better?” And no honest answer is ever good enough. I shrug and mumble “I dunno,” and they keep pressing me. At this point, I just tell them to go to our Yelp page. But really, I shouldn’t have to be telling them in the first place, right?

Has it never occurred to them, that I, an overworked parent to three chinchillas, shouldn’t be expected to hold the hands of grown adults—complete strangers, no less—who can’t take it upon themselves to learn if our Kobe beef sliders are as “kick-ass” as their name claims them to be? I’m trying to look out for myself, first and foremost. Contrary to apparently popular belief, my purpose in life is not to inform wine moms of the difference between mayonnaise and aioli.

And it doesn’t stop there. Sometimes, I’ll have a table, and it’ll seem like everything is going as it should. They read the menu, and they order, no questions asked. That is, until about 20 minutes later, when I’m asked “Which way is the restroom?” I’m considerate enough to point in the general direction, but that’s not worth so much as a “thank you” to them. Well, no more. From now on if you want to know where the bathroom is, you can do your own research.

You have unlimited resources at your disposal to learn. Why should I be burdened with telling you how hot our “Super-spicy serrano salsa” is when you have a smartphone sitting right beside you that can lead you to countless reputable TikTok creators with content specifically geared to address queries of the sort?

I have more to say about this, but my boss wants to talk to me about something in her office.