Press "Enter" to skip to content

Opinion: I’m Only Eating This Baby to Gain the Mental and Physical Prowess I Need To Hunt Baby Eaters in the Deep State

Ever since Q provided all free-thinking patriots with irrefutable proof that our country is controlled by a shadow governing cabal of baby eating devil worshipers who themselves are in the pocket of shape-shifting lizard aliens, I’ve dedicated a lot of my free time to fighting the good fight. It’s been an uphill battle, but I think I’ve finally found a way to change that, unsavory as it might be.

Yes, I have access to a baby. Yes, I am going to eat said baby. But unlike those sicko pedophile Soros/Clinton acolyte fucks running our democracy into the ground, I won’t enjoy it. I’m only eating this baby for the mental and physical powers it’s adrenochrome will grant me, so that I can use them to STOP baby eating once and for all.

It’s time to level out the playing field, and unfortunately, that means making some difficult choices. Not only do these deep state lizard-shills enjoy the political/economical security and protection afforded by their elite status, even if you do manage to square off with one face to face you will be bested by the superpowers they’ve gained eating innocent little babies. Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire, or in this case a “California cheeseburger.”

A few years back, one of the heads of Greenpeace spoke out about her use of insulin to treat her diabetes. Greenpeace frowns on the use of insulin as it was tested on animals, but as she put it “I do so much positive work for animals that the ends justify the means.” So you see, me eating this baby, while horrible, is actually the best thing FOR babies in the long run, because of all the baby eater hunting I do.

I’m not looking for judgment here, I’ve already weighed the moral and ethical repercussions and determined that this is the logical course of action. What I am looking for is advice. Babies are hard to eat!

At first I was going to deep fry it like those songbirds rich people eat and swallow it whole. Unfortunately this may ruin the freshness of little Kevin here, and I need every drop of sweet sweet adrenochrome I can get if I’m gonna dismantle a whole dang shadow government by myself!

Fuck, why did I call him Kevin just now?! Ugh, naming this little tyke is going to make eating him all the more challenging. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do I guess. If anyone knows a good aioli recipe that would pair nicely with little Kevin here, hit me up!