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Opinion: I Want Your Skull

Greeting new (I hope) friend! Might I trouble you for just a moment of your time? My office is just around the corner here, come come.

My name is Dr. Thaddeus J Fiend and as you have no doubt ascertained from my very legitimate looking lab coat I am a practitioner of human medicine. My friend I can tell from your mannerisms that you are the sort who prefers not to waste time with pleasantries! Very well, I will get right down to Horror Business, I mean business. I have a proposition for you that I hope you will find intriguing! To put it bluntly, I want your skull.

Now now, there is no need for alarm. As we have already established I am a medical professional and mean no harm to you at all good friend! I merely wish that you sign this piece of paper here giving me ownership of your skull should some accident or tragedy, God forbid, take you from this earth before your time.

Glenn Danzig? Never heard of him.

I have always had a keen interest in the human cranium, as you have no doubt guessed by my wall of skulls here. All legally and ethically sourced, I assure you! It’s quite simple you see. I get a few hundred people to sign these contracts donating their skulls to me every year and by law of averages one or two or a dozen of them meet unfortunate ends and then I hack their heads off, peel the face off turning the skin inside out and put em on my wall.

Gotta have you on my wall.

In the unlikely event of your demise of course! I have to be honest, your skull stood out to me right away. Quite the specimen you have there. I understand your apprehension, it is a bit of a morbid proposal I suppose. Perhaps we could discuss the matter while getting better acquainted over a few drinks? I am certain you and I would become fast fiends. I mean friends.

I’m not Danzig.

I assure you my interest in your skull is purely academic! The more specimens I obtain the more I learn. Why, there’s no telling what discoveries your skull could help me unlock! For example, have you ever noticed that teenagers act like they’re from Mars and they don’t care? My research could help better understand their attitude! Vampira. Look, I ain’t no goddamn son of a bitch. I’m a doctor, and I want your skull!

I need your skull!

Would you excuse me just a moment friend? My mommy is calling and I have a very important question to ask her.

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