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Opinion: I Think That- No Sorry, You Go Ahead

Can you guys hear me ok? What’s that? I can see your faces but can’t hear anything. Can you guys hear me? Tim’s nodding so I think that’s a yes. Ok, Debra’s nodding now too, good. Beth, can you hear me? I see that elliptical behind you Beth, no shame. Lord knows I’ve been skipping leg day lately. Ope, someone just DM’d me, hold on. Beth says there’s a “join audio” button but I’m not seeing it. Bottom-left corner? Oh wait, there it is!

Great! Sorry about that, gang. It wouldn’t be our Monday morning zoom meeting without a couple of tech hiccups. How’s everyone doing? I do have some important info to share before we get rolling. Let me preface it by saying that I think that… no sorry Tim, you go ahead.

No just… Whoops talked over you again. Go ahead, Tim. Tim? Okay, maybe Tim cut out I’m just gonna… Oh, sorry ok Tim yeah go ahead.

No Tim, I’m not sure when we’ll be back in the office. Frankly I’m not sure if we’ll ever be back the way things have been going lately. I personally haven’t seen another human being who isn’t the Uber eats guy or my wife since March but you know what?

I’m kind of fine with it, which is scary to think about but I won’t dwell on it now. Besides, it doesn’t seem like you’re strapped for human interaction, Tim. Yep, I saw those pictures on Facebook of you and your wife at that maskless indoor party from the other day. Not an accusation, just an observation. Let me know if you ever want to spend an evening spitting on each other sometime.

Sorry, I’m getting off-topic. I was going to say that- no-no, go ahead Debra. What’s that? I thought I heard you say something. It’s a little choppy on my end, Debra. Is Debra choppy for anyone else? Well of course it’s choppy for you Tim, you have COVID. Kidding! I’m kidding…obviously…

Beth, is Debra choppy for you too? Wait, where did Beth go? Guys, you can’t just leave the call whenever you want. Or, I guess you can. It’s a rule I only enforce because these zoom meetings are the one thing I feel like I have any semblance of control over anymore in this new nightmare world we live in. Hey, Beth’s back!

Okay, so I just wanted to let you all… shit did I get booted? Hello? Can you guys hear me? Wave your hands if you can hear… Oh sorry, Beth didn’t mean to cut you off I think I was lagging. No Beth you fin… okay yeah no you finish talking. Oh, you’re done? Wait did she freeze?

Okay, I saw her move, nobody say anything okay? Okay.

Alright, so what I was going to say is that unfortunately, we’ve all been laid off. Yup, the company was hemorrhaging money because of all this, and it was either CEO’s raise or the entire midwest division. On the bright side, everyone is invited to stick around and watch me make some Molotov cocktails. Everyone except Tim actually, because dude you definitely have COVID.