I had a hard year. I was laid off, lost my healthcare and my dog. My wife left me and took our kids and the house. Life has knocked me down, and I desperately need a win. It’s for this reason that I ask, no, beg you: please, please, please let me gatekeep The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Oh, you haven’t seen Rocky Horror?
It might be too late for you; us Rocky Horror fans are an eclectic band of enthusiasts dedicated to celebrating the most influential rock opera of the last millenia. Assuming you can even stay up until midnight to see a screening, you’ll quickly realize that we aren’t your average movie audience. But we accept anyone, regardless of marital status, child custody ruling or credit score.
You’re what we in the community call a “virgin,” and it’s tradition that I get to write a “V” on your cheek. Yeah, this starts with me touching you. Of course you can say “no,” and I’m the only one in the community who enforces it, but that just means no one appreciates this movie like me. Everytime I greet someone at Walmart, I can guarantee that I know more about Rock Horror than they do.
Last year my credit score dipped below 250, so sue me if I need to let off some steam by loudly quoting every line of the film as it’s said onscreen. Or if I throw three bags worth of rice at the screen that the independent movie theater’s staff will have to work overtime to clean up after we’re done. I don’t even listen to the steps of the time “Time Warp” because I’ve memorized how to do it.
Hell, I’ll give you the fold out futon that I sleep on if you can tell me which one of the side characters is Riff Raff.
Community helps us through the hard times, and the Rocky Horror community is one of the best out there. Even if I was fired from hosting screenings because I was caught fixing the costume contest so I won every time, I was welcomed back after only three years.
It’s good to have a safe space to yell “slut” in a movie theater without consequence.