I want you all to ignore any association you have and just focus on these names in and of themselves: Is Weezer a cool name? How about The Replacements? If you had no idea who The Mountain Goats were and saw they were coming to town would you think “Well I have to check that band out because they’re called “The Mountain Goats!” No, of course not. My point is a band’s name is only as good as a band’s music. It doesn’t matter what we call ourselves, just as long as whatever we land on takes months of arguing, truly alienating frustration, and the genuine dissolution of friendships.
Let’s fucking go, let’s spitball! Come on people, there are no bad ideas. The Horsecats? Dumb. Blood Party? Too metal. Slowball? Sounds vaguely similar to an obscure 1800’s racial slur, pass. This is great though, keep em coming everybody, just 6-8 more months to go and I think we’ll really have something that works.
Let me be clear, this is it for me. I’m in it for the sheer unadulterated frustration of arguing over something that is ultimately trivial for as long as possible. You think I LIKE playing drums? Fuck no. I spent a decade mastering this stupid instrument as a means to get me HERE. For me, playing music is just the cost of doing business. Let’s talk NAMES baby, and as far as I’m concerned, let’s never stop.
Oh, you wanna go with something simple that incorporates all of our last names? Think you’ve found a quick, democratic way out of all this eh? Well, lemme ask ya this: Whose name comes first? Who’s last? Come to think of it, which is better, first or last? And does that make the middle the worst? How about we argue about THAT endlessly, then abandon the last names idea, then circle BACK to it when other name debates get too heated and start the whole thing over again? This isn’t my first rodeo kid. Ain’t gonna be no shortcuts.
Oh, a whiteboard! To write all of our ideas down, great idea! Yeah that will really speed things along. I’ll start us off, Mannequin Pussy. Yeah I know it’s already a band, it’s a great band, that’s why I think we should also use that name. Well, we can spell it different. I don’t care if you disagree, it’s a brainstorm, write it down. There we go, “Mannequin Pussy,” nice handwriting by the way. We’re off to a great start. Now, who wants to order takeout and get drunk?