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My Childhood Dog Never Got Vaccinated and He’s Alive and Well on That Farm Upstate

A lot of people have been talking about this vaccine lately, asking plenty of important questions. Does it defend against COVID-19? How effective is it against the Delta Variant? Is it worth getting a tracking device injected into your body that also makes you sterile? Did Jesus need a vaccine? Well, all those questions are pointless and I can prove it. My childhood dog never got vaccinated and for the last 17 years, he’s been absolutely crushing it on that farm upstate, according to my parents.

I’m a free thinker. A rebel without bias. A doctor without borders. Or a medical license. I play my own tune and that tune is the star-spangled banner. Except for when it’s Enter Sandman. If experience has taught me anything it’s never to be a guinea pig for the state and that dogs live to about 50 if provided the right environment.

The American public is very childish. They’ll believe any fairy tale you tell them. Like how there are some tiny organisms coming to kill us that we can’t see (how convenient) and our only protection is getting some juice put in your arm. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous. It sure does to me, my family, and my dog, who is currently vaccine-free, romping around in meadowy fields until the end of time. It’s time to grow up and resist, people!

Taking the lead from my immortal pup, I will never get the COVID vaccine. The only things I put in my body are time-tested and proven to be safe. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go get my annual distemper booster.