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Horrified Nation Wishes Politicians Would Just Go Back to Not Keeping Promises

WASHINGTON — After President Donald J. Trump signed an executive order to construct his proposed wall along the Mexican border, a horrified, wistful United States reportedly wished to “go back to a time when politicians didn’t keep their promises.”

Trump’s radical move breaks with the long-held presidential tradition of making promises on the campaign trail before eventually, just, you know … kinda forgetting about it, or whatever.

“This is not normal,” CNN’s Van Jones said. “It’s one thing to promise things on the campaign trail, but now that he’s the leader of the free world and holds the highest office in the land, he has a real responsibility to not follow through.”

The United States, constituting over 300 million disinterested people, admitted it figured none of this “election stuff” was going to matter.

“Remember how Obama said he was going to run a transparent government?” asked barista Sam Gladsmith of Cincinnati. “That made me feel good, or whatever. But then he didn’t do it, which is, like, also whatever — because I don’t vote. But now with this whole wall thing I’m like, ‘Wait, what?’”


For his part, Trump seemed unfazed by the criticism.

“Promises Kept!” Trump tweeted late Tuesday. “No booze, no drugs, XXX. Build that wall! #MAGA.”

But despite the nation’s collective worries, not everyone was convinced.

“Let’s not blow this out of proportion,” presidential historian Dr. Karl L. Procter, head of UC-Berkeley’s political science department, said. “Trump is far from a normal president, but historically speaking, there’s still a good chance he doesn’t follow through.”