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College Buddhist Achieves Nirvana Poster

HAMILTON, N.Y. — Colgate University freshman and practicing Buddhist Devin Fredericks achieved a spiritual milestone last week after purchasing a poster from the campus bookstore featuring former Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, according to sources within the dorms.

“This poster represents great progress along my path toward the Buddha nature,” said the 19-year-old. “I wouldn’t expect others to understand this idea without much reflection, but Right View is a major part of the Noble Eightfold Path. This poster will aid my ever-widening eyes.”

Fredericks reportedly became a Buddhist four months ago following his self-described “Wikipedia Journey.” “Cobain is a great totem to remind me that life is suffering,” he noted. “What is the sound of one musician’s pain? Listen to Nevermind and find out.”

“Also, the riff for ‘Come As You Are’ just really rules,” added the freshman Philosophy major.

Sources in the Stillman Hall dormitory report the 24-by-36-inch image narrowly beat out posters featuring classic Quentin Tarantino movies Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs for the prime wall position directly next to the room’s one window. The poster’s placement has allegedly aggravated tensions with Fredericks’ assigned roommate, Dan O’Donnell.

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“I mean… he put that poster mostly on my half of the wall,” said O’Donnell of the move, the latest troublesome event in the pair’s relationship. “He’s the worst. Last week, he got all passive-aggressive and snarky about a Slim Jim I was eating because he’s vegetarian. And he leaves his socks everywhere, but every time I confront him about it, he rambles about ‘the Dharma’ or some shit. He’s a fucking nightmare.”

Bookstore staff say Fredericks purchased the poster while buying books for his introductory philosophy class.

“This happens most years,” said manager Lisa Howell. “An enlightened first-year comes in complaining that he has to take Philosophy 101 since he’s ‘way beyond that level,’ flips through the poster rack, and walks out with some giant picture of a dead icon.”

Howell has pre-ordered a copy of Atlas Shrugged in anticipation of Fredericks’ inevitable libertarian phase at this time next year.

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Article by Kyle Erf @kyleerf.

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