When we think about death metal, we think about the deep, growling vocals made synonymous with the subgenre by such figures as Aman Amarth’s Johan Hegg and Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe.
But what about the unsung singers of death metal; the sounds we’ve come to know, but perhaps have never truly recognized?
That’s why we at the Hard Times sat down with a death metal icon, my Dad sneezing.
Hard Times: Thanks for sitting down with us today. Can you talk a little bit about how you got your start in death metal?
Dad: I mean, you were there.
HT: Right, but this is an interview, remember? It’s for Hard Times; we’re a publication. That’s why I’m recording this, and why these other people are here.
Dad: Oh yeah, cool. Welcome! You guys want some root beer? I’ve got loads, just went to BJ’s. You know you can buy a whole shed at BJ’s now? They’ll deliver it and everything. Greenhouses, too. Just the other day, I-
HT: Dad, we’re talking about your career as a death metal vocalist.
Dad: Okay, sure. So we were on a family vacation, right? This was about 88, 89, and we went to California to see the redwoods. Majestic, but the altitude gave us all a kind of head cold. Then in Van Nuys, I was sneezing a lot and trying to hold it in, but then all that pent-up sneezing came out in one monster sneeze, you know? And it just so happened I did that outside Metal Blade Records. Next thing I knew, I had a job.
HT: So they signed you right there on the spot?
Dad: No no, I said I had a job, not a record deal. My job was to record all my sneezes. I got paid by the sneeze.
HT: Well, what happened when you started to feel better?
Dad: It was late August, nearly back-to-school time for you kids, so I dropped off my tape and we went home.
HT: That was it? Didn’t you do this work for years? Whenever you missed my school events, you said it was because you were filling in for King Diamond.
Dad: Well yeah, I did. They flew me out periodically, but just to record. They said I didn’t have the right look to join a band, and I was too busy working on the Vista Cruiser to tour. I guess you’d call me a session vocalist. But only during cold and flu season.
HT: So, you didn’t even work with these bands directly?
Dad: Nah. I was just there to round out their sound on the album and get home in time for dinner. Plus, I was usually sick, you know? Didn’t wanna pass on my germs.
HT: You’re credited on over 16 studio albums. You’re telling me you never met any of the bands?
Dad: Met Corpsegrinder once.
HT: Cool! Tell us about that.
Dad: Oh, it was unrelated to music. We were playing the same claw machine at a movie theater. Nice guy. Real good at claw machines. Won like 4 things in a row.
HT: Okay. Well, how would you describe your sound? What would you say your influences are?
Dad: Influenza, mostly. Plus the sound of the garbage disposal on meatloaf night, am I right? *laughs*
HT:
Dad:
HT:
Dad: You see, it’s funny because my wife makes terrible meatloaf. So we turn on the garbage disposal to get rid of it all. And it makes this hard, gurgly sound.
HT:
Dad: Anyway, that’s the sound I try to replicate. I don’t much understand it, but it’s what the kids like.
HT: Thanks for talking to us, Dad. You mind signing off with one of your signature brees?
Dad: All I got’s cheddar. HA! No, sure, I’ll do you one. Pass me that pepper.