DANBURY, Conn. — Local woman Allison Moore brought some joy to an otherwise somber moment earlier today by delivering the eulogy for her late mother through a vocoder she picked up at a garage sale, grieving family members confirmed.
“My mom always encouraged me to be different, so I know she’s looking down on me from heaven and smiling after my loving tribute,” said Moore of her 18-minute eulogy that included a rendition of “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” by Daft Punk. “When everyone else talked about my mom, it lacked the heart that made her so unique — yeah, they talked about her love of animals and her dedication to homeless outreach, but all that did was make people cry and put me to sleep. You really gotta step it up if you wanna keep people’s attention these days.”
Many of the deceased’s closest friends and family were moved by Moore’s creative approach to eulogizing her mother.
“I’m a huge Electric Light Orchestra fan, so I almost forgot I was at a funeral for a second. I got really lost in the sound and found myself grooving in the aisle when [Allison] mentioned her mother always put her kids first,” said “cool Uncle” Jerry Moore. “I know Allison’s father is also sick, so if she plans on doing this at his funeral, I hope she includes some sort of backing musical track to really fill in the sound. I think that simple tweak could take a good eulogy and make it a great eulogy.”
However, not all were happy with Moore’s use of the voice synthesizer.
“That robot impersonating my granddaughter was horrifying. I wanted to scream, but I was frozen in place during the whole talk. I haven’t been that scared since Normandy,” said Moore’s 98-year-old grandfather Leonard Chapman from the parking lot. “I know people probably thought I was crying because I lost my oldest daughter, but I was crying because I thought that monster was going to drag us all straight to hell. I am not going back in that church.”
The funeral concluded with Moore’s brother Thomas playing a theremin rendition of his mother’s favorite song, Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On,” which was enjoyed by nobody.