UTICA, N.Y. — VFW Post 226 held an emergency fish fry in an attempt to relieve it from the stench that lingered from the punk show held the previous weekend, dry heaving sources report.
“It was awful, and I knew we had to act fast. The smells of B.O. and five bands worth of vocalist’s halitosis were permanently sinking into the walls and floors very quickly,” Post 226 Commander Donald Sperger explained. “The usual patrons are used to the comforting stench of fryer grease, pungent haddock, stale popcorn, and sweat from sitting at the bar despite no physical activity. Things may never return to normal. You’d think we’d have learned a lesson from renting out the space for that metal show over the summer. Never again.”
Local show organizer William Krantz thought the event went off without a hitch.
“I knew we weren’t going to get our security deposit back considering every surface in the place was sticky and it looked as if they never stopped smoking cigarettes inside. If anything, we enhanced the interior aroma,” Kratz stated. “All I’m going to say is they better hope they have enough hot fish for 50 VFWs, because the stench from the crust punk band who headlined has been known to peel paint off of venue walls. Really they can keep the security deposit towards buying a new building, because that’s probably the only realistic solution to this.”
Scene veteran Rick “Spew” Kelvolev says fumigation after punk shows is a largely unspoken part of the process.
“Most people don’t think of the horrors venue owners face when a punk show is done, and everyone has gone home, or passed out drunk somewhere on the premises,” Kelvolev explained. “These places depend on non-punk business most of the time, and the odors that come with the punk scene just aren’t handled well by the general public. Most venues have emergency Axe Body Spray attachments to their sprinkler system that are turned on after the lights go out. Many venues have succumbed to the fire hazard these Axe systems pose, but you can thank them next time you don’t walk into a venue and get nauseous.”
At press time, VFW Post 226 held a fundraiser to help replace its bathroom toilet permanently clogged from the show.